Sunday, April 6, 2008

Ring My Bell

When I first entered the world of internet dating, it was totally incognito. I had a profile, but nobody could see it. Of course, that meant no one could find me. Only the men I contacted personally would have access to my vitals. At the time, I was confident that I was only going to have to reach out to one or two men, put myself in front of them, give them a big, sparkly smile, and they'd be smitten, interested, want to meet me immediately, and I'd have no further need for internet dating.
Yeah, right.
It just didn't happen that way.
First I reached out to my Canadian Wild Boar. You know how that turned out. I also reached out to another guy who hadn't been online in the past couple of months (I smell a June wedding).
After the Homecoming King decided he preferred his ex-wife to me, my immediate reaction, within 5 minutes of him leaving the room, was to go online and turn my profile on to be viewed by anyone.

I Am Open For Business!

I was pissed off. Not at the Homecoming King, mind you. We're actually still friends. I hope good things happen for him. I just wish even better things would happen for me, and they're not.
But he was definitely the straw that broke the camel's back. I was ready for the shallow end of the pool. No more getting emotionally involved. No more getting excited or giddy, no more butterflies in my stomach, no more being nice. I decided that I was going to put myself out there like a tomato in the vegetable bin and let all the men pick me over, check me out, see if I was worth having for dinner. And then I'd go out with whoever asked me, but they'd be getting the new me. The shallow, uninterested, skeptical woman who starts off pessimistic and makes them change my mind. You want a piece of me?
If there was one mistake I've made when it comes to menfolk in my life, it's definitely that I haven't made them work for it. I give in way too easily, because at heart, I'm a passionate, sensual, romantic who loves intimacy and being in love.

Now that I'd opened up my profile, all my girlfriends said, "Just relax. Let them come to you." Meaning sit on my hands, be patient, and they'll start winking and emailing in droves. Because I'm a total catch. Well, that's what all my girlfriends say.

One thing you should know about Yahoo! Personals. You can set your account up so that you can sleuth around, check out profiles without the other party knowing. Or, you can boldly march in and leave footprints. So far, in the past 3 weeks, 23 men have left footprints on my doorstep. I'm guessing that hundreds are hiding in the bushes. How many have had the guts to ring my doorbell?
No, he's not the guy for me. He had a neck chain, a photo of him, hair slicked back, in his Camaro. Sunglasses and moustache. And he's a good Christian. That's actually the only thing I have a problem with. Poor guy, he doesn't know that my ex became so religious that I am still finding droppings of faith all over the house that I keep having to clean up, and he's been gone 8 months. I can't do Christians. I've got a religious gag reflex thing now that I just can't help.
But at least I emailed him, and was straight up with him. Told him that I probably wasn't date material for him because of my current religious attitude.
But at least I was polite enough to respond.
Because I think it's rude when someone makes the effort of putting themselves out there, and not receiving even an acknowledgement that you exist. And yet, this is the general modus operandi of all the men out there involved in the internet personals.
Back to this patience thing. I have none.
So after a few days, I started contacting men from 35-45 who peaked my interest. I left short, cute, messages telling them we had some things in common, or I liked their profiles, and to check me out and get in touch.
I wrote to 10 men. Wanna take a guess as to how many of them wrote back?
Shall we break it down into how many wrote back who wanted to immediately meet me for drinks, those who had a one sentence reply encouraging me to tell them more, and those who responded with a polite rejection?
I'll let you know as soon as one of them does any of the above.

I'm already far too insecure to deal with the rejection of men I already know and have kissed. Now I'm opening myself to flat rejection from numerous, random men I've never even met. Could this get any more pathetic?