Saturday, May 3, 2008

Damage Control


The other day I'm driving in the car. And my kid, of all people, tells me that Toots and the estranged wife of my convict friend are having a party this weekend. MY KID. She wanted to know why I wasn't going, and why I wasn't invited.
All of my friends have been invited, even those who have come to me wondering why they they were invited, since they're not really friends with the happily tanned couple. "Damage control," I said. "You were invited because you're MY friend. And right now, he's trying to make a play for as many of my friends as possible to ward off being cut out of my social circle."
Why do I think this? Because months ago when he hurt my feelings one evening, he expressed grave concern that I might become upset enough with him to shut him out of my social circle. That he might not be welcome in my home anymore to drink my gin, relax in my hot tub, or have me make dinner for him. Yes, he said these things.
So it's no surprise to me that my formerly stingy friend is now planning to start spending his trust fund to buy off my friends. Kinda sad that all it's gonna take is a nicer hot tub, a gas barbecue and a kegerator to do that. Actually, all of that was previously purchased by my friend who now languishes in prison. The friend that Toots and I visited together, as he was planning his trip with said friend's wife out of the country. He's just buying the beer, the brats, and I figure next he'll buy the house to save it from foreclosure. What a guy.
Yeah, I know. I don't even need to continue explaining why he's a poor excuse for a friend.
It's my friends that I'm more concerned about.
The sad yet masterfully devious part of this scheme is that by inviting my friends to a party has put those in the know in the very uncomfortable position of having to decide whether to mention it to me, or to stay out of it. They have all pretty much decided to stay out of it. One said it was so he didn't have to listen to me bitch about it at Scrabble night. So they kept mum. And then they cancelled Scrabble night. You see, in order to avoid any difficult conversations with me, several of my friends have opted to avoid me. Therefore cutting me out of my own social circle.
And the rest of my friends wonder why I seem angry these days.

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