Thursday, April 3, 2008


I received this handy advice from "Unsettled" yesterday. I just wish I'd had one last night when I met the Japanese leprechaun.
More on him later. Much more.

"I believe what you may be missing is the all important Taser. This remarkable tool has proven very beneficial as a way of discouraging rude and thoughtless behavior. Just when your date opens his mouth and emits a very unsatisfying nasty, just ZAP! him! You'll feel much better. It's also useful as a deterrent for you. ALWAYS start a date by identifying which end of the narcissism pool your date is from. If it's a place in high school you never wanted to be, then ZAP! yourself. NO need to entertain the high school quarterback, then or now. You might even start all conversations with new dates by identifying their status in high school. I personally recommend former geeks. Course, once a geek always a geek, but by this time they all make really good money and enjoy someone to have fun with. Give the former shallow end a chance: look for the pointy rim glasses and pants pulled up too far. You might be pleasantly surprised..."

Right on!
I actually got a little excited, thinking maybe what I needed to do was to go find myself a geek to help me design my own Date Taser - a slim line model in zebra stripes or leopard spots, or pink with rhinestones that would fit snug inside my bra where my cell phone normally resides. And then I found that someone else had already done it for me.


Anonymous said...

Yo Mouth - Do you have the website for the "Date Taser." Someone I'm sitting with doesn't believe me there is such a thing.... Thanks! Does it really come in leopard print?

The Mouth said...

Yo Anon - Yep.
Ain't no lyin' on this blog. I'm all about truth telling.
It's not exactly the slim line I was envisioning, but it's most definitely in pink and leopard print, and available soon from Taser International, Inc.
And guess what. I don't give a rip anymore if it's small enough to fit into my bra, because it's got something better than rhinestones bejeweling it: an mp3 player.
But don't take my word for it!
Check out the Taser International, Inc press release.