Monday, April 7, 2008

Blown Away

Ladies, follow these handy tips on how to create an internet dating profile that'll catch some attention!

What's a Dater Hater to do on a Friday night? I was at a local watering hole with some galfriends, and bumped into an acquaintance of the XY persuasion that I'd seen on Yahoo! Personals.
I asked him why men are so rude and disrespectful that they don't bother responding to friendly inquiries from women on internet dating sites.
He told me maybe I should work on my profile.
I have a great profile. Well, I thought I had a great profile. I mention that I'm outgoing, funny, a little bit wild, but also the most dependable person you've probably ever met. I mention that I'm into music and movies, scrabble night and frisbee in the park, pint night at the pub and bicycling along the river. I also mention that I have a masters degree in kissing.
For those of you who know me, do I have myself pegged accurately? I can take it if you disagree. Afterall, my goal this April is to learn how to be flatly rejected over and over again.

He said, "Did you screw up your photo then? You're totally cute, great hair, nice smile, nice eyes. Did you post an unflattering picture?"
"No, I'm totally cute in my photo!"
"But does it show off how fantastic your tits are?"

Um, no.

"You know what would get you some attention?"

I'm all ears.

Remember, I don't make any of this up.

"You should say you love giving blowjobs."

Thanks to Getty Images for the photo that just doesn't do this blog entry much justice. But I'll take what I can get.


Anonymous said...

Testing, Testing, 1, 2, 3... Ah, did you not forget to mention that Mr. XYZ posted pictures of himself wearing a tuxedo at his own wedding??? (And no, he is no longer married at this time.)

- Ina F.T.G.

Anonymous said...

Last comment: Doodle Board is way cool!! However, I still liked seeing your picture of the "mouth" on the top right corner...

So, how the hell does doodle board work, anyway?
-- INA F.T.G.

The Mouth said...


I was going to save the tuxedo story for another day! But since ya mentioned it, I did bring it up.
For those of you not in the know, I came across the personals profile of a guy I know who had just gotten married not that long ago. At first I thought perhaps he had just forgotten to remove his profile after the nuptials. Then I looked at the photos on his profile, and was shocked to see him tuxed out in front of a church! Guess the wedding didn't work for him.
So I asked him what the heck he was doing putting up photos of his wedding on his singles profile. He explained that it wasn't HIS wedding, it was someone else's. Still, I told him, maybe not a good idea, considering. And then he told me a thing or two about profile ideas.
So yeah, OK, I deserved it.

And about the doodle board, I think you just use your mouse to doodle on it!

Anonymous said...

O.k., so if I doodle on it, and close out of the page, does it stay up there for you to read?

Also, I think 'Mr. Tuxedo' deserves another blog with a picture of a man in a tuxedo. It just cracks me up that he would post pictures of himself at his own frickin' wedding!

Anonymous said...

Is your counter working? Looks like it's stuck on 159... I clicked on it, but ended up in Sydney. Hmm...

Also, I think you have two of the same videos in your video bar (which I love, by the way). I sat down with a friend on Saturday night, and we watched them all.... But I think the first 2 might be the same. You're also missing "Elizabeth Banks is Farking Josh Rogen."

Ina F.T.G.L.M.N.O.P.Q.R.S.T...

Anonymous said...

Ummmm what about those dudes who put photos of themselves with beautiful women hanging all over them on their dating profile?

What is the prospective date supposed to think?????

"Oh good! He's surrounded by beautiful women who are in the process of ripping his clothes off! Now that's my kind of guy! Move over ladies! I wanna piece of that shirt too!"

Can we say unclear on the concept?